


5, 6, 7, 8.

by xxxintothedarknessxxx



Series: Count us in [2]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: American Sign Language, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 07:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxintothedarknessxxx/pseuds/xxxintothedarknessxxx
Summary: Follows the events of 1, 2, 3, 4.





	5, 6, 7, 8.

To say that the guys were floored would be an understatement. After the show, they’re crammed into the dressing room. Brendon and Ryan ask lots of questions, rapid-fire, and Spencer can’t even keep track of them all. He doesn’t want to talk to any of them right now, in any language. He sinks back into the couch cushions, where’s Jon’s arms envelope him.

‘Why are you signing if you can talk? Does your family know you can talk? Did Jon?’ Spencer ignored Ryan. They’re insulting questions. Accusing.  
‘How long have you been talking?’ Brendon asked.  
Spencer takes out his text-to-speech device and pounds out his response one handed. Normally, he hates the robot voice it produces but he’d rather be cuddled by Jon right now than sign, and at least this way, he doesn’t have to look them in the eye, when he ruins their excitement and tells them it’s a one-time event.  
‘I haven’t “been talking”.’  
‘But you did tonight.’ Jon said, confused, rubbing Spencer’s arm with his thumb. ‘I don’t understand.’  
‘It was a surprise; no one knew...I wanted you to hear the words ‘I love you’. You should get to hear that.’  
‘You did it for me? You sounded great. Are you getting better, baby?’ Spencer continues as though he hadn’t heard the question.

‘Remember that day in June when you said ‘I love you’ with three signs instead of one? That’s when I decided to propose.’  
‘So you wanted to say it in English instead of ASL?’ Now he’s getting it.  
‘Yeah, I practised for months…’  
‘Months?’ Jon’s touched that Spencer put so much thought into the proposal. He kisses his fiancée and thinks about how he himself would have winged it on a heartbeat, in a Starbucks, just like their first date, with no ring and dirty clothes from painting the house they’re gonna move into in November. He loves Spencer, but he’s not half as organised, or half as romantic.

The electronic voice rings out as Spencer snuggles back into his chest.  
‘I’m not getting better.’  
‘I’m sorry.’ Brendon is the first to respond.  
‘Me too.’ Ryan mumbles after him.  
‘This doesn’t change anything. I’m still stupid in love with you, and I know you love me and it doesn’t really matter if it comes from your hands or your mouth, or that weird electric robot voice. I really don’t care so long as you keep saying it.’ Spencer drops his device in his lap and puts the hand on Jon’s chest. Jon brings his hand up to grab it and feels that it’s in the shape of a sign. He brings it to his mouth and kisses it. 

‘I love you, too. Now can we celebrate being engaged?’ 

***  
They’re living in California, planning the wedding. It’s a beautiful March day, and they’re hanging out in Jon and Spencer’s new backyard. No-one’s even sure when the question got asked, but suddenly they’re all waiting to know if Spencer’s going to speak at the wedding.  
He’s not sure what to tell them. Then Ryan gets a call from Spencer’s mom and the subject is dropped. 

The next time all the guys are together (so, actually the next night), Spencer produces a bottle of booze (something strong and disgusting, but the taste is not the point) and a packet of ping-pong balls. He pours them just enough to get them drunk and tells them to drink. Then he gives them each a ball ‘put it in your mouth’.  
Ryan does so without question, Jon quickly follows, and Brendon hesitates, spelling out ‘What the hell?’  
‘I want to show you something, you’ll understand.’ It’s good enough to get him to pop the plastic sphere into his mouth.  
‘Now what?’ Ryan signs.  
‘Speak. Say, ‘I love you’, say ‘I do’, say the words to a song.’ 

They try. Ryan tries to store it in his cheek like a chipmunk, Brendon tries to hold it like a pencil between his teeth, and Jon tries to speak around it like a gumball, occasionally rolling it in his mouth. None of them sound like they’re speaking English, despite numerous attempts to talk slowly and clearly. It helps (or rather doesn’t) that the alcohol has taken effect.  
‘S-P-I-T.’ He points to the empty glasses on the table. They do so and Brendon’s the first to understand.  
‘Man, that was hard, it didn’t even sound-that’s what it’s like for you?’  
‘And you got ‘I love you’ around that?’ Ryan asks. If he seems impressed, it’s probably the alcohol talking.  
‘Yeah. That’s why it took me half the tour to re-learn how to say it.’  
‘So, if you had enough time, you could speak at the wedding? Maybe not vows, but like, ‘I do’? It’s only one silly-syllab-sound you’d have to learn.’ Ok, so maybe Jon had a little more to drink than the others. Probably now was a good time to put the ping pong ball back in his mouth and ask him to recite Shakespeare to get his point across.

Spencer sighs, shuts his eyes and shakes his head sadly. He doesn’t want to actually say ‘trying to talk makes me feel like a circus animal’, but it’s looking as though it might come to that. He’d been hoping they’d let the subject go. It’s been 7 months, and he’s not uttered a word since. That should have been a clue. 

‘What? Spencer, what?’ Jon’s bothered by his lack of response.  
‘I don’t want to talk about it right now. Can we do this later, when you’re sober?’ Jon’s having trouble understanding and looks to Brendon to tell him what Spencer said. Awkwardly, Brendon passes on the message. Spencer’s just annoyed that Jon didn’t even try to understand before he gave up and defaulted to Brendon. He tells himself he’s being too sensitive; Jon’s just drunk.  
‘You told me to drink.’ Jon argued.  
‘I know.’ Spencer is sad, Jon can tell that much. What he doesn’t know is why.  
‘You’re sad. You want a cuddle? Cuddles always make you happy.’ He’s starting to slur his words.  
‘No thanks, Jon. I think I need to be alone.’ Spencer goes to lie down in their room and Jon tried to follow. Ryan grabs him by the wrist.  
‘Leave him for now. He’ll come to you when he’s ready.’ 

***  
In the morning, when Ryan and Brendon are sleeping it off in the spare room, Spencer curls up on the couch with a hot chocolate and is not long after joined by Jon, who passed out there but had left to take a shower.  
‘Hey, baby.’  
‘Morning.’ Spencer signs one handed, still waking up. ‘How do you feel?’  
‘Kind of hung over, but I expected that. Hey, you were sad last night. What’s wrong?’  
‘I tried to tell you. I tried on the night I spoke and I tried last night.’  
‘Tell me what?’ Spencer sits his mug on the table to free his other hand.  
‘It took me months last time, to talk, and it sounded really bad. It used to be so easy, and then when I talked that night I felt like a trained monkey. I hated it so much, and I made you think I was getting better.’  
‘Spence…’  
‘It’s so hard now. I had to break it down and practice, and remember where my tongue is supposed to go. Every time someone asks if I’ll speak, I just remember what it was like that one time, that party trick...’ he trails off, shaking his head.  
‘You call telling me you love me a party trick?’  
‘No. Telling you I love you was the most amazing thing. You didn’t see the look on your face. It was worth all the pain.’ Spencer’s last sign isn’t the one for physical pain.  
‘It hurt? Like emotionally?’ Spencer nodded.  
‘All the study, all the practice…I thought I was okay with this. I did. But everything I did to talk…it felt like losing my voice all over again.’  
‘I’m sorry. I wish you’d told me.’  
‘Why, so I could take the shine off of it? It made you so happy to hear me.’ He’d do anything to make Jon smile like that again, but he doesn’t think he can do THAT.  
‘No, so I didn’t make a jerk of myself, asking you to go through that for our wedding.’  
‘You won’t be mad if I don’t want to?’ He’s nervous, signing small.  
‘No, baby. If that’s the price? No.’  
‘I don’t want to. I never want to talk again.’ It’s a stone-faced lie and they both know it. Spencer wants to talk, he just wants it to be his voice, not some warped imitation that’s all he can muster.  
‘You don’t have to.’  
‘Thank you.’ Jon tells Brendon and Ryan later, when it’s lunch time and they’re nursing their hang overs that Spencer is going to sign ‘I do’, and for the record, so is he. He’s gotten better at their new language in the past few months, taking every opportunity to practice, even if he is a bit behind still. 

When August comes, there’s a beautiful wedding, two grooms in black and white, not an iota of eyeliner, and neither of them utter a word.

FIN.


End file.
